


Dates are dumb

by Alex-writes-about-life (Alexwritesaboutlife)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Asexual Sans, Blind Date, F/M, Kisses, M/M, Reader-Insert, Sans is not patient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7778125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexwritesaboutlife/pseuds/Alex-writes-about-life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans is on a blind date. Only he's not having fun. SOS! Maybe someone can help him have a fun evening anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dates are dumb

Sans sighed inwardly. His date was not going well, and he could think of a million ways he’d rather spend a Friday evening. It had been a blind date, organised by Papyrus for him. 

Apparently one of his human friends had helped him arrange it. He didn’t have many of them but he did have one that he was particularly close with. Sans wondered briefly if there was a future for them together. He hoped so. They were a good kid, even if they didn’t have taste in dates. Normally he would have never agreed to come, but he knew Papyrus got like this every few resets when they made it to the surface. He became concerned over his brothers well being, worried that his brother wasn’t enjoying himself, that he was lonely and depressed. 

It was true, though of course Sans would never admit it. He merely passed it off as part of his asexuality. Luckily most people were ignorant to the fact that asexuality didn’t mean he didn’t seek or desire love. And so, he would go on the dates, partly to please Papyrus and partly because deep in his soul, he was hoping against hope that he might meet someone. Someone who could help him to break this wretched cycle of sadness. Someone to motivate him to change, someone to help him with his defeated attitude. Someone to be his light in the dark. But he couldn’t hide the fact deep down, he was a coward. He was afraid of being in love because it was uncertain. Sans had lived his life in the underground over and over. Nothing changed. For a while he thought he might have a future with Toriel, that maybe he could like her but it wasn’t to be. So his soul strove on in loneliness, crying out for someone to help him. 

The human woman that sat opposite him certainly wasn’t that person. In fact, Sans suspected this might easily be one of his top 5 worst dates. Firstly, he had compromised by not going to Grillby’s instead ending up at an overpriced restaurant which he strongly suspected she was going to expect him to pay for. It was no secret monster gold had a high value and so most monsters were rich but it still left him feeling a tad disgruntled. He’d rather have gone to Grillby’s where the food was at least worth the gold he was spending. 

They didn’t even have ketchup here! And yes, he had checked the fact. The woman herself was attractive by human standards, and Sans could appreciate her appeal as well, although he didn’t feel connected to her. Some kind of vanilla perfume hung around her in the air. Her hair was long, probably with extensions and she had delicately applied makeup emphasising her features, although it was a little heavy in Sans’ opinion, he could appreciate the skill behind the application of it. Her voice was a little high pitched but not unbearably so.

But she was unbelievably ignorant and rude. Her first comment had been on the fact he was a monster, still a novelty despite monsters had been on the surface now for 3 years. 

Fetishes were still apparent and it was evident this woman had only come on the date for the sheer entertainment value of it. She had rebutted his attempts at conversation, claiming investigations in outer space were a waste of money and proceeded to talk about talk about the effects of vaccinations causing autism. By the time they had gotten to the main course, Sans had had enough of this woman. He was thoroughly ready to leave if it weren’t for the disappointed look and lecture he knew Papyrus would sentence him to guilt city with. He didn’t care about ‘being a gentleman’ and seeing the date through to the end of the night. This woman didn’t respect him and he sure as hell didn’t respect her, but he did love Papyrus so he sucked it up and tried to look interested, plastering his most genuine smile on his face whilst she droned on about something.

The one plus about the experience was you, the cute human waiter serving them. You would occasionally shoot him sympathetic looks and were unbelievably patient with his date, despite the way she spoke down to you. He wondered how many people like this you dealt with on a daily basis. His eyes drifted around the restaurant and he found himself meeting your eyes across the room. You winked and he felt heat rise to his cheeks. He swiftly looked away, looking back at his plate where his food sat almost untouched. 

“Sans? Sans!” He was jerked back to reality by his date calling his name. What was her name again?? Something with an L. Linda? Lauren? Eh he didn’t really care. 

“Mmn?” He replied, eyes flickering wearily to her face. She looked mildly annoyed. 

“Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” She asked, setting her cutlery down with a crash. She was slightly too loud and Sans winced inwardly. Papyrus was one of the only loud noises he was okay with. 

"Uh yes?” He offered half-heartedly. She clearly didn’t buy it. 

“What was I saying then?” She demanded. Ughhhh. 

“Uh something about your brother in law's car?” He remembered triumphantly. 

She rolled her eyes. “That was five minutes ago!” 

“Whatever.” Sans muttered tired of holding up this façade all evening. 

“Whatever?! You know I don’t know how it works with you monsters, I mean obviously you can’t be expected to be as civilised as us but- “ She began.

“Excuse me?” Sans hissed narrowing his sockets at her. 

“Well I mean look at you! You’ve literally been living under a rock this whole time!” She laughed harshly at her own joke. It landed heavier than a lead balloon and the restaurant fell silent. 

Sans was fuming. He was so tempted to shut her down. To put her in her place like he had wanted to do all evening. He sat clenching his fists and unclenching them. He opened his mouth to respond coldly, because how dare she- when the smell of cotton and lavender swept over him. He glanced up to see you standing at the table with a water pitcher in your hand. Crisp white shirt, black trousers and a white apron with a nametag he couldn’t quite read as the bright lights of the restaurant reflected from it. 

He was startled out of his observation by a cold, wet sensation in his lap. Apparently you had gone to pour him some more water and accidentally poured it on his shirt. He could feel it seeping through the fabric onto his bones. It was icy. 

“Oh no! I’m so sorry sir!” You apologised frantically, moving to dab his shirt with a napkin. 

“Eh it’s fine kid don’t worry.” Sans tried to brush it off, becoming flustered at the close contact as you made dabbing motions at the wet patch. His date looked up to see what had happened, previously tapping disinterestedly on her phone. 

“You stupid idiot! What did you think you were doing?! Of all the half-witted, clumsy, idiotic things to do-!” She scolded you loudly. 

“I-I’m so sorry ma’am!! Please sir, I insist you come with me so I can get you a fresh shirt.” You spoke enthusiastically, shying away from his date’s biting tone. You placed your hands on Sans’ shoulder. Your hands were warm, gentle and soft in comparison with his dates whose were donned by excessive amounts of bracelets and rings, hands colder than Mettaton’s and sharp talon like nails. 

Sans opened his mouth to protest before realising any time away from this date would be a good thing. He nodded, following you swiftly into a back room. The metal door swung shut and the light talking and bustle of the kitchen were cut off. 

The room was dark, only the glowing green of the exit sign illuminating the darkness and as you flipped on the light switch, Sans realised he was in the employee room. 

You turned to him with a sheepish smile. “Hey, thanks for playing along. I’m sorry about your shirt though. But you looked so desperate for an escape I couldn’t leave you there whilst I clocked off. I’m Y/N by the way.” You extended your hand and he grasped it in his own, marvelling at the soft feeling of skin against bone. Then he shook his head. What was wrong with him? He’d shook hands with a human before. 

“Sans. And uh thanks for the rescue. I woulda just walked out but…my bro arranged it an’ I didn’t want to disappoint him.” He explained. You nodded in sympathy. 

“Ugh blind dates are the worst. Still, at least you can tell your brother your date ended with a splash.” You sniggered. 

He snorted. “Water you talkin’ about? That date was a disaster.” You grinned at him, before turning to grab your coat from the peg behind you. 

“Here.” You offered the fabric to him. “I did ruin your shirt after all, and its freezing out there.” 

“Nah, I’ll be fine kiddo. The cold goes right through me.” He refused. 

“As good as that joke is, I’d still feel better if you took it. Please?” You asked again, determined to not take no for an answer. 

“Well…if it’ll make ya feel better.” He accepted it hesitantly, pulling it on. It was warm from the heater it had been hanging above, and the sleeves hung a little lower than his hands but the faux fur around the hood meant his neck was warm too and it smelt pleasantly of you. 

You smiled and pulled on a thin blue hoodie over your work outfit after untying the apron and removing your name tag placing them in a blue locked against the wall. Number 2 Sans noted, although he wasn’t sure why. 

You flipped the hood out, grateful for having had the foresight to bring it and pushed the bar on the door to open it, holding it open for him. He stepped out, grateful for the coat as a bitter wind blew across his face. He buried his hands in your pockets and turned to stand and wait for you as you closed the door. 

As he waited you trudged through the street towards him, amber streetlights casting puddles of molten honey on the wet ground. 

The two of you walked in comfortable silence for a bit in unspoken agreement.

“So…” You started. “Why does your brother want you to date?” 

“He thinks ‘m lonely.” Sans shrugged. “And depressed. He thinks it’ll do me good to get a datemate.” 

“And are you?” You asked.

“What? Lonely? I guess. I mean I have plenty of friends I just…I dunno.” 

“Hmm.” You mused it over for a moment in your mind. “Well, maybe blind dating isn’t for you y’know? Maybe you should try a small bar or something first. Course, you don’t have to date at all if you don’t want to.” 

“Yeah I guess. Part of it’s me being asexual though. I’d like to enjoy datin’ but…it’s uh not interestin’ to me.” He explained, not sure why he was telling an almost stranger more intimate stuff than even his own brother knew, but he’d always been a good judge of character and something about you was reassuring. 

“Hey high five! Me too! Well that settles it. Us ace’s gotta stick together right?” You held your hand out to the small skeleton and he offered you a smile before sliding his hand from the pocket and slapping it gently against yours. 

You continued your walk before being interrupted by a growl coming from your stomach. You flushed. “Guess I haven’t eaten dinner yet.” You explained. You checked your watch. 

It read 23:15 in glowing red numbers. You exhaled, your breath condensing into a cloud. 

“Sans look! I’m a dragon!” You exclaimed, breathing out more. Sans sniggered at your childish antics and you blushed a bit red at causing the cute skeleton to laugh, and hoped it looked like the cold whipping your cheeks was the cause of it. He was just…adorable. Honestly that’s why he had caught your attention. That and his obnoxious date. 

“Hey Y/N, I didn’t eat much at that place, and by the sounds of it you could do with some grub too. I know a good restaurant nearby a friend of mine owns. Wanna grab a bite with me?” He asked. 

You grinned. “Lead on good sir!” You gestured forwards. 

He laughed. “In that case, it’s this way.” 

A few moments of walking and talking later and you were greeted by a large building with bright yellow light illuminating the windows, soft music echoing inside. Glowing red letters spelt out ‘Grillby’s’ In looping letters, shining on the drizzle as it fell from the heavens, speckling you and Sans. 

He pushed open the door and held it for you as you entered, thanking him on your way. 

Inside the bar, there were a few rounded tables and booths around, with red padded chairs and tall barstools. The music pouring from the jukebox was far louder now. At the bar there were a lot of bottles in a rainbow of colours, every size and shape imaginable, and the air was haunted by the smell of burgers and alcohol. The bar was dark polished wood, cherry maybe and on the floor were polished oak planks. On the whole it was far more inviting than the off white sharpness of your workplace, despite the emptiness. 

“Grillbz?” Sans yelled. As if by magic, a man made of fire appeared behind the bar, startling you. He moved his hands in quick succession and Sans winced. 

“Yeah I know I’m sorry. Can ya make an exception?” You realised the man- presumably Grillby, was using sign language to communicate with Sans. Huh. You never would have expected he would know sign language. 

The man sighed. His ‘eyes’ flickered between you and Sans and he raised his eyebrows and signed something. 

“Yeah-no! No Grillbz. Thanks, I owe ya one.” The flame man nodded and held up 3 fingers. “Yeah okay, I owe you 3. Stick it on my tab will ya? C’mon Y/N, there’s a good table over here.” He gently guided you over to a booth next to the window. You found yourself wondering what was so good about it, when you caught a sight of the view outside the window. 

“Woahhhhhh! Look Sans! The stars!” You pointed out of the window, the corners slightly frosted with condensation. The sky was navy, swirled with silvers and purple. It was captivating. A sight you couldn’t see from anywhere else in the city due to the light pollution. You pressed your hands against the cold glass, staring awestruck. 

You were only jerked back to the warm bar by the sound of a pair of dishes being set on the table. As you turned back to the table, Sans was smiling widely, a light blue tinting his cheeks. 

“What’s so funny? Is there something on my face?” You asked, rubbing next to your mouth. 

“Nah you’re good.” Your eyes darted from the skeleton to the burger that had just been brought out. It looked so good. Fluffy buns dusted with flour, crisp, bright, green, crispy lettuce, melting cheese and a juicy burger all sandwiched together. You picked it up and marvelled at the way it held together, raised it to your mouth and took a bite. 

It was, delicious. Tender burger mixing with the wet crunch of the lettuce and the mild flavour of cheese mixing together in a perfect harmony.

Sans watched your face light up as you took your first bite. 

“First time trying monster food?” He asked, and you nodded with your mouth full of the delectable meal. 

He chuckled and took a swig from the ketchup bottle Grillby had brought him. Your eyes widened and you swallowed quickly, almost choking on your mouthful. 

“Dude, did you just- did you just drink ketchup out of the bottle?” 

He winked at you. 

“What? That’s not an answer Sans!” He merely smirked and took another drink, feeling the liquid flow over his teeth and bone. 

The two of you finished your meal fairly quickly. The burgers were just so tasty you couldn’t help eating it all. 

You asked Sans how much the meal cost and he told you not to worry, he had it covered. 

You blushed. 

“Well… if you’re sure, thank you.” The two of you exited the bar together. 

“I’m this way.” You informed Sans, pointing in the opposite direction to where he lived. 

“Alright. I’ll walk ya home. Least I can do after ya helped me out ‘ND all.”

“Are you sure? It’s not far-I’ll be fine.” You protested. 

“I insist.” He replied. 

You were telling the truth, and before long, the two of you were standing outside your apartment building. You smiled at the suave skeleton. 

“Thank you Sans.” You leaned forwards and gave him a peck on the cheek before waving and disappearing into the building.

Sans’ eyes widened and he teleported away quickly, blushing blue as the sea. He reached up and lightly touched the place you had kisses him. His bone seemed warm to the touch. Sighing happily, he turned and entered his house, where Papyrus was waiting for him. 

“Brother! You have returned! How was your date? And who’s coat is that?” He exclaimed. Sans looked down and realised he was still wearing your coat. He grinned as he realised he had a reason to go and see you again. He had to return it. 

“Yeah bro. My date was datefinatley successful.” 

“SANS!”

“Heh.”

Blind dates are dumb, but sometimes they can lead to something great.


End file.
